nav

HOME  BLOG   CLASSES   ETSY   YOUTUBE

Thursday, March 6, 2008

It's My Birthday...and I'll ____ if I want to....


Today's my birthday, and I'm really trying hard not to feel the birthday blahs. This is the big 45 for me. For some reason, I think I could handle the big 50 better. It just seems to be that big middle number. I don't feel young, I don't feel old...just in the middle.

When I was about 13 and decided that I wanted to become an artist...I can actually remember visualizing what my life would be like at 45. I also remember thinking how old I would be then...ancient! Well, most of it turned out exactly like I visualized...except for the feeling ancient part (thank goodness). I work full time on my art, in a gorgeous studio, on a beautiful Island...and have 2 fabulous kids, and a husband... that is so totally great... I have to pinch myself sometimes, to make sure, I'm not dreaming.

But, for the past few months as the birthday grew closer and closer...I kept feeling like I had let the 13 year old me down. I kept thinking...I should be making more money, I should be thinner, I should be taking better care of myself, I should have a nicer house, I should, I should, I should..... You get the idea. Then last night, I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't go back to sleep. I kept thinking about all of this. Why was I feeling this way. Why does a number matter so much! In my mind and soul, I feel no different than when I was 13...except a whole lot wiser. The same girl is still around...and man...has she accomplished a lot! And best of all, I did it on my own terms.

I didn't become the lawyer that my Dad had planned on me becoming. I didn't marry the successful, financially secure, guy, my family wanted me to. I didn't work full-time at a unsatisfying job, just so I could play around with my art, as a hobby. All of these things have been implanted in my brain over many years, by loved ones and friends. But, they didn't know what was really right for me. They didn't want me to suffer or struggle. They really did have my best interest at heart. And that's where all the "I should's at 45" came from.

But, all the struggles, uncertainties, have been part of this wonderful 45 year adventure that I've been on! And best of all, they have made me a much better person. I've learned how to be a loving, open, relaxed mom, even though I didn't have a role model. I've learned that true love with your soul mate can overcome all obstacles and it only gets better with time. I've learned that to be a good artist, you have to realize that you are constantly learning...and that journey never ends.

So, in the middle of the night...I realized that all the "I should's" were not really mine at all. But, other's interpretations of what they thought "I should" be doing. This 45 year old, was in the middle...in the middle of her adventure...her own way. And the 13 year old me was really, really proud.

Here's some new work inspired by that inner 13 year old. I hope you enjoy it.



This was in my email box this morning from www.tut.com ...

The very best moment in any long journey that makes your dreams come true, Wyanne, comes not on the day you realize they have, but on the day you realize how little they matter compared to loving the adventure they've inspired.

Don't ask me why, I just know what I know -
The Universe

---------------------------------------------
Youtube was down last night and this morning...but here's a new video for you.

Love,
Wy


Pin It

13 comments:

  1. Hi Wyanne,

    I just would like to say that you are an inspiration to me, you know how to make your sites look nice, your a beautiful artist, awesome seller and above all, a genuine person, love to read your blog.

    My ferret Winnie passed away yesterday and I have been feeling I SHOULD have done more things for her, but I know I was a good mum to her and I will focus on the good things that I did for her.

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

    Monica Vanthoff

    ReplyDelete
  2. happy birthday, beautiful!

    what a post. i can definitely relate to all those shoulds. just know that you are an inspiration to me!

    sending loads of love your way. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  3. I promise you, 45 is just the beginning! Every year from here on out just gets better and better. The first 45 years is spent figuring out what is important to us and breaking free of the expectations of others, but the next 45 years is ours for the taking! Happy birthday. I hope you enjoy the years after your 45th b'day as much as I have mine.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Happy Birthday! And thanks so much for your wonderful, honest post... I truly enjoyed reading it!!!

    Ps- your artwork is WONDERFUL!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Wyanne~ Coulda, shoulda, woulda, PISHAW! Good for you for recognizing that the voices in your head weren't your own.

    I love your new art pieces. The 13 year old is a great inspiration I particularly love the one of the girl bent over from the waist picking flowers. Great, great, great!

    Mush on!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Wyanne, that was me, Tammigirl at sunflowerstudio.blogspot.com

    New Identification for me I suppose.

    ReplyDelete
  7. happy belated birthday! you are exactly where you are supposed to be at this moment!

    so sorry i missed it yesterday. i was frantically creating in my own workshop all day getting ready for the bartow bloomin' arts festival this weekend. the weather is not cooperating, is it? keep your fingers crossed for me! love k

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am glad I popped in. Now I can wish you happy days!
    I think you can look back on 45 years and be very proud.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hello! I just stumbled onto your blog from another one I was reading, your collages are so whimsical and sweet!
    Hope you had a great birthday~
    heather

    ReplyDelete
  10. I love what you do....
    Thank you for your videos so so interesting..
    Sorry for my "french" english ;)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hi Wyanne,
    I know how you feel, I just turned 45 in January and sometimes I think, God if I could just get ten years back there are things I would have done differently. But I guess it's all relative and you have to look at your accomplishments and take pride in that. So it's not so bad. Good luck to you and Happy belated Birthday!!
    Tracy M.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Happy Belated Birthday. What a wonderful reflection and so timely for me today, as I catch up on your past blog posts.

    Why is it that we can be so content and happy in our lives, so grateful for what we have, but the moment we try to look at our lives from an outsider's perspective, we can feel as though we don't live up?

    Your work is amazing. You're living your dream. You have a wonderful family. You are right. You are truly blessed and successful!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thanks for your wonderful comments the last week of March! You may want to see my blog today 4/2/08 (shoes that don't fit) as well.

    Love,
    Wyanne

    ReplyDelete

I ♥ to hear from you! Thank you so much!!!